Problem: Your child gives excuses. What can you do to get my child to change his/her behavior?

Before you begin, do the following:

1.First, observe your child. Be as specific as possible when naming the problem. 

2.Then keep notes. Write down the problem. List everything that you try and the results of your effort.

Desired Outcome: I want my child to stop giving excuses.

Possible Actions:

• If your child makes excuses for not completing work, make sure your child’s assignments are not beyond his/her ability. Discuss your child’s academic level with your child’s teacher. Know your child’s academic levels for all subjects.
• Let your child know that he/she is making excuses at the time the excuse is made. As an example: you can turn around the excuse to let your child know that he/she is making an excuse and not being accountable. Let your child know that he/she is accountable for their behavior and their choices.  It is common for children to blame others for their excuses.

• How can you talk to your child? 

• When talking to your child talk about their behavior. Three steps to follow: 1. Identify the excuse behavior that you observed. 2. Get your child to look at his/her poor choice behavior. 3. Talk about what could be done to make a better choice. When talking, keep to the behavior topic of your child’s observed behavior, to get children to accept responsibility.
• Keep the discussion about your child’s poor excuse choice simple and at an age-appropriate length.
• At a later time, review the incident with your child. This can reinforce your desired outcome.

• How to talk to your after a ‘cool down’ time.

• Confront your child’s excuses each time one is made. Most likely you will need to continue to challenge your child’s excuses. It will probably take more than once to change your child’s faulty thinking.
• Stay calm when talking with your child. Don’t get emotional and frustrated when talking to your child. If you begin to feel frustrated, take a break and then resume when you can do so calmly.

• What else can you do?

• Praise your child when he/she makes good choices by not making excuses. Let your child know that things are going well.
• Use other opportunities to let your child know that he/she has choices. Point out those opportunities to your child.
• If your child warrants it, have your child apologize to anyone who was wronged. Sometimes children blame others, siblings etc., when making excuses.
• Contact your child’s teacher to let him/her know what is working at home. Your child’s teacher may also give you tips to help your child.

Follow Up: What to do after you try your selected actions:

   If your actions were successful, keep using them. However, continue to monitor your child. You can use these actions as preventative measures if your child has a set back.

    If your child is unsuccessful, seek help from school your family doctor etc. Take your notes with you. Let those helping you know what you have tried and the results of your efforts. This record can go a long way to getting your child the help that he/she deserves.