- Problem: Your child whines or cries about doing school work.
Before you begin, do the following:
Observe your child. Be as specific as possible when naming the problem.
Take notes. Write down the problem. List everything that you try and the results of your effort.
- Desired Outcome:
Your child will understand an acceptable way to deal with strong emotion and solve problems.
- Possible Actions:
Read the possible actions below. Decide which ones would be most effective to use with your child. Focus on the outcome behavior.
*Review your family rule about whining with your child. Rule such as, “When you ask for
something, we ask nicely and we accept the answer calmly.” This rule helps children
understand that their attempts at whining and crying will not be effective.
*Remain calm and don’t give in. Treat your child with respect.
Avoid any type of reinforcement that may encourage your child to whine in the
future. Sometimes children will whine louder
when they see you are not responding to their cries. Be prepared to continue
ignoring your child until he/she stops whining. Eventually your child will stop whining
when he/she realizes whining and crying aren’t working.
What else can you do?
*Provide your child with positive reinforcement as soon as the whining stops. Praise
your child by saying something like, “I like the way you are ready to talk to me so
that I can understand what is bothering you about your schoolwork.” Ask your child
to tell you about the problem that made him/her upset. Listen carefully and address
the problem. Provide your child with lots of positive comments about the way
he/she is behaving and working with you to solve the problem.
*Prevent future whining by giving your child skills he/she will need to handle strong
emotions such as frustration without whining and crying. It’s very important to
connect with our children and find out the reason for the whining.
*Older children can be taught problem solving skills: a. identify the problem, b.
identify goals and objectives, c. develop strategies to solve the problem, d. develop a
plan of action, and e. carry out the plan. Children can write down their goals and
plans.
Think ahead to help your child understand that they have choices.
*Help your child grow by giving him/her extra responsibility. Chores such as setting
the table with you, folding laundry together etc. can give your child a feeling of
success and accomplishment. It will also give them confidence and help them understand the
choices that they have. Doing chores together will teach your child how to do
chores correctly and it will give you a strong bond with your child. You can talk about
pleasant memories etc as you talk to each other and complete the task. Happy Talk
Time!
More conversations with your child can help him/her more clearly understand situations.
*Your child might benefit from a quiet place to think when he/she is upset. This is
not a place of punishment, but a place to quietly settle down to be more
successful.
* Talk with your child and your family about the desired outcome. Make your desired
outcome specific for your child. Write down the goal / desired outcome. Post the
outcome where it can be easily seen.
Remember: If you don’t think ahead, your family won’t move forward.
- Follow-up along the way: Periodically review and reflect on your child’s progress. What is working? What is not working? Adjust your actions accordingly to meet the needs of your child. It’s important to recognize the attainment of a successful goal completed, however you will notice small achievements along the way. Recognize these smaller successes. It will encourage your child to keep trying and let your child know that he/she is on the right path. It will also motivate your child and make him/her more receptive when new goals are introduced.
- Follow Up: What to do after you try your selected actions:
If your actions were successful, keep using them. However, continue to monitor your child. You can use these actions as preventative measures if your child has a set back.
If your child is unsuccessful, seek help from school your family doctor etc. Take your notes with you. Let those helping you know what you have tried and the results of your efforts. This record can go a long way to getting your child the help that he/she deserves.
For additional information about motivational problems and solutions, go here.