- Problem: Your child doesn’t follow family rules.
Before you begin do the following:
Observe your child. Be as specific as possible when naming the problem.
Take notes. Write down the problem. List everything that you try and the results of your effort.
- Desired Outcome: Your child will understand the importance of following home rules. Your child will willingly follow family rules. Talk with your child and your family about the desired outcome. Make your desired outcome specific for your child. Write down the goal / desired outcome. Post the outcome where it can be easily seen.
Remember: If you don’t think ahead, your family won’t move forward.
- Possible Actions:
Read the possible actions below. Decide which ones would be most effective for your child. Focus on the outcome behavior.
*What are your family rules? Are both parents in agreement with the family rules? Do both parents support and enforce the rules? Does your child know and understand your family rules? Have you posted the rules where they can be read by everyone? Do you need to work on your family rules? Add rules? Subtract rules?
*Parents are the most effective role models for following family rules. Make sure everyone is on the same page.
How can charts help?
*Charts can be a very productive and positive way to help your child learn how to follow family rules. You can use an extra calendar to create a chart. Charts can include such things as your child’s chores, rules, or designed for specific behaviors. They can even include consequences for compliance or non-compliance. If your child completes a chore, etc. they get to color in the block, or add a checkmark, or a sticker to the block of the day. If your child did not comply, then no mark for the day. A chart can help your child build self-esteem. Your child will realize that he/she does know how to follow family rules. It will encourage your child to follow family rules and be just like others in the family.
*Review the consequences you are using with your child.
Are they age-appropriate? Are the consequences targeting your child’s favorite activity, such as TV, cellphone, games etc. If your consequences are not appropriately connected, your child will most likely have no motivation to comply.
What else can you do?
*Be consistent with consequences when your child does not follow your family rules. Set up good routines. Then establish and calmly and firmly enforce your family rules with consistency. If rules are enforced intermittently, children will likely not comply.
*Be prepared to be consistent for the long haul. It can take time before family rules become your child’s regular routines. No matter how long it takes, keep trying! You can make it work!
*Remain calm.
Don’t let yourself be drawn into unnecessary conflict with your child. You are the parent and you are in charge. It is up to you to remain calm and maintain control of each situation.
*Children grow and change and so must the consequences that parents use with their children. Parents should work together to come up with a list of age-appropriate consequences for children who do not follow family rules. Your list should include a variety of consequences so that you can vary them from time to time. Parents should periodically discuss family rules. What is working for your family? Which rules should be modified, added, or dropped?
- Follow-up along the way:
Periodically review and reflect on your child’s progress. What is working? What is not working? Adjust your actions accordingly to meet the needs of your child. It’s important to recognize the attainment of a successful goal completed, however you will notice small achievements along the way. Recognize these smaller successes. It will encourage your child to keep trying and let your child know that he/she is on the right path. It will also motivate your child and make him/her more receptive when new goals are introduced.
- Follow Up: What to do after you try your selected actions:
If your actions were successful, keep using them. However, continue to monitor your child. You can use these actions as preventative measures if your child has a setback.
If your child is unsuccessful, seek help from school your family doctor etc. Take your notes with you. Let those helping you know what you have tried and the results of your efforts. This record can go a long way to getting your child the help that he/she deserves. For additional information about motivational problems and solutions, go here.