- Problem: Your child has difficulty working with his/her teacher.
Before you begin do the following:
Observe your child. Be as specific as possible when naming the problem.
Take notes. Write down the problem. List everything that you try and the results of your effort.
- Desired Outcome:
Your child will understand the importance of working cooperatively with his/her teacher. Your child will work with his/her teacher and understand that his/her teacher is there to help him/her. Talk with your child and your family about the desired outcome. Make your desired outcome specific for your child. Write down the goal / desired outcome. Post the outcome where it can be easily seen.
Remember: If you don’t think ahead, your family won’t move forward.
- Possible Actions: Read the possible actions below. Decide which ones would be most effective for use with your child. Focus on the outcome behavior.
*First, establish a relationship with your child’s teacher. It is best to start with the assumption that you both want what is best for your child. Start early in the school year to get acquainted before problems arise and let teachers know that you want to be kept informed.
Then talk to your child.
*Talk to your child about his/her difficulty. Ask your child questions such as:
What do you expect from your teacher?
If you could, what changes would you make to improve your relationship with your teacher?
Ask your child to be specific. This type of questioning can help you understand your child’s beliefs and what he/she needs from his/her teacher. You will be able to help your child decide which realistic changes could possibly happen and if any are unrealistic.
*Next, talk to your child about their accountability.
Your child should understand and be accountable for his/her actions in the teacher/ student relationship. What are three actions that your child can do or change to make the relationship better? Teach your child to self-evaluate his/her actions and expectations.
In the event that there are any drastic actions happening at school, consider the following:
*If something drastic has happened such as, a teacher name calling or ridiculing your child etc., you might need extra help with their problem. Support your child. Keep a record of what your child’s teacher has done to upset your child. Contact and meet with your child’s teacher. Take the record with you to the meeting. You may consider taking your child with you to the meeting so that if there was a misunderstanding it can be worked out.
Also carefully evaluate each situation. Try to remain as objective as possible.
Sometimes children misunderstand what was said or happened. If it is a serious problem and no misunderstanding, you can contact a school nurse or an administrator for help with the problem.
*Situations can happen where children misunderstand or misinterpret a situation. Try to give the teacher the benefit of doubt. Teachers work long hours with many children and most are devoted to their students. In most cases, your child’s difficulty of working with his/her teacher can be worked out. However, in those rare cases, it is important that parents seek the help they need to solve any problems.
*Remember that you are hearing the problem from your child’s perspective. Listen carefully without commenting. Try to get all of the facts. You will hear the teacher’s perspective when you call or meet. Don’t criticize your child’s teacher in front of your child. This can increase poor behavior in the classroom.
Work with teachers and school officials.
*Work with teachers to come up with possible solutions. Together you can evaluate the solutions. Decided together which solution will work well with your child. Decide when to implement the solution.
*How well did your plan work?
Take time to periodically assess the plan.
What has worked well?
Evaluate things that are not working. Plan to make corrections in your actions.
What could be done differently to make the plan work?
*If the problem hasn’t been successful, you might need to get others at school involved. Child Study Team members, school nurse, and the principal are people at the school who may be available to help you.
*Keep working together until the problem is resolved. Some problems can take time so remain optimistic. There are solutions to problems!
- Follow-up along the way:
Periodically review and reflect on your child’s progress. What is working? What is not working? Adjust your actions accordingly to meet the needs of your child. It’s important to recognize the attainment of a successful goal completed, however you will notice small achievements along the way. Recognize these smaller successes. It will encourage your child to keep trying and let your child know that he/she is on the right path. It will also motivate your child and make him/her more receptive when new goals are introduced.
5.Follow Up: What to do after you try your selected actions:
If your actions were successful, keep using them. However, continue to monitor your child. You can use these actions as preventative measures if your child has a setback.
If your child is unsuccessful, seek help from school, your family doctor etc. Take your notes with you. Let those helping you know what you have tried and the results of your efforts. This record can go a long way to getting your child the help that he/she deserves.
For additional information about problems and solutions for children with problems following rules and expectations , go here.